His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
