i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize