So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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