i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
