Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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