I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
