id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
