I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
