I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
