all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
