If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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