i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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