Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
