i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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