I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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