That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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