Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
