my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
