I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
