I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
