Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
