it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
