Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize