i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
