You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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