If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
