i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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