i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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