Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
