Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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