I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You work out of a Hotel?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
