I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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