eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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