In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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