You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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