I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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