so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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