You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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