i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
