So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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