the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize