and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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