Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
