So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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