thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
