just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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