so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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