I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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