so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
BRING THE BAGELS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
