You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
