considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Less talking, more tequila
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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