It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't turn off my feet"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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