My cat gives me a boner
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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