I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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