i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
