ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
