He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
