I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
