I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
