Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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