If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
