I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize