So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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