I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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