Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
