tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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