it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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