how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
