no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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