I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
