I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
