It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
