There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
