just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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