i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
