hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I still have a little drunk in my system
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
