doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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