Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
