I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
