There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
