you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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