He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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