just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
