and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
