FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
