an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
