if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
