can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
