It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
