I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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