The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
