I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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